There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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