Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
