If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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