Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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