Texts From Last Night

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  (210): View more from Texas

  ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!

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  (210): ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math! http://tfl.nu/zdim
  Replies (11) Good night (1460) Bad night (584)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls

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  (732): my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls http://tfl.nu/3jtt
  Replies (5) Good night (813) Bad night (2639)
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  (619): View more from California

  i wish my penis had a tongue

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  (619): i wish my penis had a tongue http://tfl.nu/t048
  Replies (30) Good night (4210) Bad night (846)
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  (951): View more from California

  My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?

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  (951): My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate? http://tfl.nu/77q7
  Replies (77) Good night (7139) Bad night (1281)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine

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  (585): I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine http://tfl.nu/d7kh
  Replies (12) Good night (977) Bad night (6459)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...

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  (410): He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone... http://tfl.nu/g061
  Replies (15) Good night (1510) Bad night (5990)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man

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  (614): I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man http://tfl.nu/8rsc
  Replies (9) Good night (4297) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.

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  (402): I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted. http://tfl.nu/yox0
  Replies (27) Good night (8121) Bad night (1266)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed

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  (217): We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed http://tfl.nu/j4f4
  Replies (4) Good night (2109) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.

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  (941): I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked. http://tfl.nu/4e23
  Replies (9) Good night (1801) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up

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  (903): Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up http://tfl.nu/zu39
  Replies (5) Good night (1223) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Dude. Her vagina is a blender.

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  (928): Dude. Her vagina is a blender. http://tfl.nu/0shv
  Replies (19) Good night (632) Bad night (1990)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.

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  (937): think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside. http://tfl.nu/fjz3
  Replies (3) Good night (411) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill

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  (760): That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill http://tfl.nu/s1si
  Replies (0) Good night (475) Bad night (238)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like

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  (432): Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like http://tfl.nu/z3sn
  Replies (2) Good night (528) Bad night (299)

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