Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
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My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...