I have demons in me.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"