just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
