We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."