I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..