Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
3pm strippers are depressing
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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