nut hugger
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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