You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
