My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've blown a few things in my day
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
