Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
