member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
