Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We're facebook friends in real life
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
