Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
