i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
