No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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