why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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