dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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