Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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