Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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