Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
