HIV tests are more positive than that guy
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
