some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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