is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
