doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
