Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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