I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
