If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
