I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
