The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
