Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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