you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
