Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
