The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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