some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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