when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
