Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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