Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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