the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
