If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
