I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
