I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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