My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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