So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
