so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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