Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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