I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
