Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
