You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
