I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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