whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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