I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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