i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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