A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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