How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
