How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The air was thick with penises
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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