I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I want her autograph on my taint
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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