I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My feet surprised me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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