This dress was meant to end up on your floor
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
