Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
