I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
