I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
