So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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