sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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