How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
