Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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