There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
