the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
