dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
