Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
