This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
