The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
