dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
