I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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