I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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