You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
