My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
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She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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