I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
