Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
