oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
